My Job – What’s Been Bothering Me

There is something that has been bothering me for 2 years ( December 13th 2012 will make 2 years actually ) that I have not told anyone, but my family and friends should know how I feel about this certain situation

December 12th 2010 I was in Dominican Republic with my Mom ( For those who don’t know she passed away December 15th from Cancer, 2 days after I landed in NYC )

( RIP MOMMY )

I called my boss on Dec. 12th to ask him does he mind if I stay in D.R with my mom because I know she was going to pass away.

My boss told me he needed me in NYC because he was leaving to Hong Kong on Dec 25th.

I thought my job was more important than anything because my job pays my bills….. Where the hell was my mind?

Where was my consciousness?

Where was the real Joshua?

The Joshua who doesn’t let anyone tell him what to do, the defiant Joshua, the Joshua who would put his family before anything?

That Joshua was not there on that day….. I do not know what I was thinking.

I agreed to leave on the 13th ( the day of my flight ) and come home.

I land on the 13th on a Monday and went from the Airport straight to work…

My mom ended up passing away 2 days later…. and I was in NYC and couldn’t even afford another round trip back to D.R to make it to her Funeral.

Do you know how much it hurts to lose a parent?

Do you know how it feels not making it to your own Mothers funeral?

I just finished talking to my boss about it…. and I finally told him why I have been so bitter, talking back, disrespecting clients…. I felt like my boss made me miss all this stuff… but then I realized it was my own fault, I should’ve told him, ” Listen my mom is going to pass away any day now, So I want to be there for her at least since my siblings couldn’t make it down here ”

I wanted to put my Mother who I ALWAYS put in front of anyone, from ex girlfriends to my own brothers and sister in front of anything that was relevant at the time… but wait… don’t think I feel guilty or something, in life your faced with making the wrong moves and the right moves, I was in D.R with mommy on her final days I got to confess to her everything I needed to, I got to speak to her, I got all my siblings on the phone at once to talk to mommy and tell her it was okay to go… because it was okay to go… I think it was okay for me to go…. I wasted my last money getting to mommy to deliver my message to her as Joshua once delivered his message for Moses.

I think coming home made me a much stronger man, and it made me appreciate the small things, it made me appreciate Friendships, it made me appreciate my real family, it made me appreciate life…. I know I was there for my mom throughout her entire life… I may not have gone to her funeral, but I know that funeral would have done some mental damage to me.

I’m not the same Joshua I was….. I’m a better Joshua, and on that note THANK YOU Irwin Weber my employer for understanding what was wrong and my issue.

THANK YOU to Kat and Zj for being my FAMILY, for being there for me no matter what for making me laugh when I was sad, and just being there!

THANK YOU Ozbe for being such a great friend and being there for me when I got the news about my mom, I’ll ride or die for you my bro, that is what a real friendship is about.

THANK YOU to A.R and Minx for being there for me when I got home, A.R man you cried for me man… I finally got a chance to cry over my mom on my Birthday when she didn’t call me at 12am… You my brother you my boy IBUS for life bro… Minx thanks for being my sister my friend and such a great person and have such a big heart.

THANK YOU to all my Friends I know personally, Twitter friends, Art colleagues for the well wishes…. It has been too long that I THANKED YOU ALL for being there for me. so here it is….

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